literature

Prospect crystiallus chapter 3

Deviation Actions

makeshifthero36's avatar
Published:
160 Views

Literature Text

Chapter 3: through dark and light

        The ground was a numbing cold, neutralizing all heat in the air. Jacobs body was but a small lump of shadow hiding the endlessly white plate of snow which  his body was being buried under. There was one light in the dark void of Jacobs  body. It was not vengeance, nor hatred, but simply the pain of his own corruption. His suffering seemed like a flaming spiral inside his body. It climbed higher and higher inside him until a final scream escaped his blue lips.

With the dulling roar of the lion, all the peaceful glaciers silence flooded back.  Jacobs body surrounded by the sweet cold begging for surrender, for heat, for entirety.

When Jacob awoke he was on a stone floor. Colored lights filled his eyes  as he stared up at an immaculate window filled with coloured stones. It wasn’t long for him to realise he was adrift, in water, in thought, and in his own exhaustion. His eyes wandered through the cool lights of the masterpiece above him.

With a single breath Jacobs eyes closed into a seemingly endless bliss. In what seemed like an hours time, but in reality was only a moment, a scream filled the palace were Jacobs frozen body rested.
“guards, why bring someone who could be… such a delicate man” he heard a very feminine voice that seemed to change emotions as the speaker saw him. He moved to get up but could fill a heavy iron strap weighing his even his will down.

Soon the figureless voice was given an image. A girl with long blonde hair filled his view. She had delicate skin, that showed she was pampered, her body was slightly larger then an average girls, and she clearly wasn’t from Herphul. She was wearing an elegant dress that seemed to be covered by some form of mantle. The mantle was decorated with a beautiful red gemstone that seemed to radiate a relaxing aura. Her eyes were purple gemstones on a carved face of a plump angel. She seemed to glow, but clearly she was human, or close to it.

“Hello” her voice sang out, it was soft this time and seemed to caress his ears. Jacob tried to move his restrained body once more, and to his surprise it propelled upwards unaffected by the iron that was once there. “H-h-hello” he said as he watched her closely, with a large pain coming from his left arm.

“Who are you” Jacob wheezed softly unable to say more. The females smile grew larger and her gaze seemed fixed on him, finally her lips moved. “ I am princess Karina” she said softly with a hint of happiness in his eyes.

“Miss, he is corrupted.” said a knight as Jacobs eyes drifted into relaxation. “Oh really, well he seems normal, maybe he is the fabled escapee” she said softly as she exited the room.

The next morning when Jacob awoke he felt a cold material on his back. He opened his eyes only to be blinded by a bright light. “Hello Mr. Jacob…”  A deep male voice said.
sorry for it being short ive had a lot of personal issues and i have another idea i want to write, and brawl is coming out and as a wii owner i have to play it. Well yeah i hope to get feedback on this chapter
© 2008 - 2024 makeshifthero36
Comments3
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
tapeking's avatar
As a fellow Wii owner, I too can't wait for Brawl...

In the first paragraph or two, you over-use the words "Jacob's body" too much. You can use pronouns for Jacob, and you can find synonyms for body.

When the female voice is introduced, you say her voice changes emotions when she sees Jacob. What emotion did it begin with, and what did it change to?

Once again, you have astoundingly good use of figurative language and descriptions which make the story exemplar. I only wish that your chapters were longer. Once I get into them, the chapter is done and I have to wait for the next installment.